My rents recently asked me what I want for Christmas on Skype. Confusion sunk in because they've dished out so much so I can travel throughout the Caribbean and Peru… aaaaand their asking me if I want more? Huh? It’s been a trip, and there’s more coming.

Mom: So is there anything you want for Christmas?
Me: …..
Mom: …..
Me: I’ll get back to you.

Ah, my parents, I owe them almost everything. I argue with them all the time, yet they still hold firm in loving me; something I’ve taken for granted too many times. I’m naïve, it’s what traveling causes you to realize. Traveling alone and extreme loneliness shows who you are. BUT, back to the question. The question caught me off guard. This simple question is something I've struggled to answer ever since I can remember my first Christmas.

For the past years I've always asked for one large thing and have trusted I will get it. I always got it. I've never been one to ask for many materialistic things, and after seeing poverty in Perú, I struggle more and deal with emotions I am not sure what to do with. Adjusting to this third world country with how I was raised has been an aching adjustment. Now there are so many things I hardly notice anymore:

holes in the floors of the buses I ride to school
7 year old children with raggedy clothes begging for money or food
clay houses
prostitutes trying to sell themselves to me
chickens randomly walking around in a city
stray dogs
rubble everywhere
corrupt police force
Peruvian traffic, never seizes to piss anyone off
slaves maids.
children pooping in buckets
hopping off buses while still in motion
gold digging. Its socially acceptable to pick your nose in public here. Worse when people smear greasy gold on the bus windows.


So, Christmas, eh? Just lemme be around people I love.

Six full days left of Peru and a Christmas spent with Kosi. Four years ago, I met this dude. He's passionate about life. I'm attracted to passionate people, and knew I had a friend moments after meeting him. He speaks bizarre English, he’s Trinidadian, tells wild stories, and laughs a lot. This Christmas break will be new… The plan: Caribbean Islands

lime'n, good food, laughing a lot, sharing stories, and chillin with people I love when I get back to Indiana.

After two weeks of being in mass confusion about which classes to take, I've closely been reading the IU 2008 - 2010 Bulletin and sending nicely worded emails to my advisors who refuse to give me much help. They've seem to have forgotten I'm not not at IUB. Just come in and make an appointment or call the IUTIS or REGISTRAR hotline. Oh, I'll get right on that. I decided to take matters in my own hands. Next semester I have no Friday classes. Yahooo. Maybe I'll get a Friday job... any suggestions?

What is it about writing that is so hard to express oneself? You'd think it'd be easy right? WRONG. The past 5 months I've felt dry with words, and yet I'm experiencing big things, learning big things, doing big things in my life. Still, I struggle to find words to explain what I want to say, which leaves me with a sour feel and utterly exasperated.

I've been doing a lot of traveling since June. You can even throw in the fact that for my full time landscaping job I traveled around Fort Wayne during the summer. Every day from 7 AM to give or take 5 PM I was traveling all around the city being in places I never knew existed within the city, which left me pooped wanting nothing but sleep so I could get up and do it all over again the next day. The rain sucked. Apart from that I went to West Virginia for a week, then I visited my brother and sister in law in Washington D.C. now I here I am living in another country in Peru to which I travel around the country on weekends hours away from where I live in Lima: Pisco, Caclacayo, Cuzco, small villages, and Machu Picchu. In December I'll find myself in Colombia and making a stop in Miami, FL before I head to the Caribbean island hopping to 4 different islands for 25 days. Trinidad, Tobago, St. Lucia, Grenada. Travel, travel, and more travel... viajar? I love it.

buuuuuut... there are a ton of macabre things about traveling to a country that you know very little about so you can live there. Internet informs about things never experienced. Reality teaches, disciplines, and informs. Living in this country hasn't for a single second let me down. I've complained and whined to my friends a butt load, however that that don't kill us only makes us strong. I only had two expectations about living in Perú: expecting God to do SOMETHING and improving my Spanish.

I am learning so much alone by living on my own and traveling and seeing unpleasant things you don't see in the U.S. or what some peruvians call "the country where things can be too perfect".

I've come to a conclusion:

If you want to face who you are... the raw you, live alone without Christian accountability. In solitude, you find Jesus. Your faith will be put to the test.

"He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. For to be sure, He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live with Him to serve you. Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you... unless, of course, you fail the test?" - 2 Corinthians 13:3-6

I wonder what Paul's tone of voice was like when he was writing this... Exclamation marks are over used just as much as the acronym lol. I cringe at the obnoxiously long hahahahahahaha's I see on instant messenger when nothing was really even funny. Nah, I imagine Paul sincerely yelling not in anger but to get his point across... then pausing to indirectly mock those who fake Christianity.

I don't think God brought me to Peru to do well in school, because long behold the Bryan White that some people make out to be some Spanish expert doesn't know a whole lot of Spanish. To say I am doing well in my classes would be me wishfully joking. My vocabulary, pronunciation, grammar, sentence construction, verbal and reading comprehension are miniscule, surprise. Although, my Spanish is improving everyday! I am forever grateful for that.

mmm no... Jesus brought me here to rip me from accountability in the body of Christ. Five and half months isn't a long time to be gone. But you bet a month feels like an eternity when spent consecutive days all by yourself in a foreign country that speaks a language you extremely struggle to understand and speak.

I'm being stretched and my view of God is growing larger and more realistic. God is doing SOMETHING. He got my attention.

He brought me in here in solitude where it is quiet so I can focus to take this test Paul talks about.

Tests are passable, but He didn't grade me with a red ink pen. He graded me with blood to show me my weakness. If you want to deeply face who you are, take the test.