What is it about writing that is so hard to express oneself? You'd think it'd be easy right? WRONG. The past 5 months I've felt dry with words, and yet I'm experiencing big things, learning big things, doing big things in my life. Still, I struggle to find words to explain what I want to say, which leaves me with a sour feel and utterly exasperated.
I've been doing a lot of traveling since June. You can even throw in the fact that for my full time landscaping job I traveled around Fort Wayne during the summer. Every day from 7 AM to give or take 5 PM I was traveling all around the city being in places I never knew existed within the city, which left me pooped wanting nothing but sleep so I could get up and do it all over again the next day. The rain sucked. Apart from that I went to West Virginia for a week, then I visited my brother and sister in law in Washington D.C. now I here I am living in another country in Peru to which I travel around the country on weekends hours away from where I live in Lima: Pisco, Caclacayo, Cuzco, small villages, and Machu Picchu. In December I'll find myself in Colombia and making a stop in Miami, FL before I head to the Caribbean island hopping to 4 different islands for 25 days. Trinidad, Tobago, St. Lucia, Grenada. Travel, travel, and more travel... viajar? I love it.
buuuuuut... there are a ton of macabre things about traveling to a country that you know very little about so you can live there. Internet informs about things never experienced. Reality teaches, disciplines, and informs. Living in this country hasn't for a single second let me down. I've complained and whined to my friends a butt load, however that that don't kill us only makes us strong. I only had two expectations about living in Perú: expecting God to do SOMETHING and improving my Spanish.
I am learning so much alone by living on my own and traveling and seeing unpleasant things you don't see in the U.S. or what some peruvians call "the country where things can be too perfect".
I've come to a conclusion:
If you want to face who you are... the raw you, live alone without Christian accountability. In solitude, you find Jesus. Your faith will be put to the test.
"He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you. For to be sure, He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live with Him to serve you. Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you... unless, of course, you fail the test?" - 2 Corinthians 13:3-6
I wonder what Paul's tone of voice was like when he was writing this... Exclamation marks are over used just as much as the acronym lol. I cringe at the obnoxiously long hahahahahahaha's I see on instant messenger when nothing was really even funny. Nah, I imagine Paul sincerely yelling not in anger but to get his point across... then pausing to indirectly mock those who fake Christianity.
I don't think God brought me to Peru to do well in school, because long behold the Bryan White that some people make out to be some Spanish expert doesn't know a whole lot of Spanish. To say I am doing well in my classes would be me wishfully joking. My vocabulary, pronunciation, grammar, sentence construction, verbal and reading comprehension are miniscule, surprise. Although, my Spanish is improving everyday! I am forever grateful for that.
mmm no... Jesus brought me here to rip me from accountability in the body of Christ. Five and half months isn't a long time to be gone. But you bet a month feels like an eternity when spent consecutive days all by yourself in a foreign country that speaks a language you extremely struggle to understand and speak.
I'm being stretched and my view of God is growing larger and more realistic. God is doing SOMETHING. He got my attention.
He brought me in here in solitude where it is quiet so I can focus to take this test Paul talks about.
Tests are passable, but He didn't grade me with a red ink pen. He graded me with blood to show me my weakness. If you want to deeply face who you are, take the test.
